Anger, Rage, and Nagging
The consequential harm of these emotions; GOT7 Jay B's R&B album; Jay Park's wisdom on leadership & efforts; Various perceptions' solutions is human-centred; Questions on growing; Cempedak season.
I’ve been thinking a lot about anger. Its consequences on our relationships, and the ability to ruin trust and burn bridges. In truth, anger is something that I’ve been meaning to explore for the longest time..
Anger is a dangerous weapon
Once deployed to a certain extent, aka:
You said awful, mean things to someone.
You shouted.
You physically attacked a person.
You destroyed a property, or an object.
A lot of things can’t be turned back.
And that entails variables we don't want to risk of ruining:
The comfortability of our relationship with a person in our life circle;
Our reputation. Remember when World Pop Superstar Britney Spears lost custody over her sons because of her burst of anger attacks with an umbrella after having shaved her head incident 2007?
Our stakes at something.
Some of us get carried away in the heat of the moment, resorting to emotional dumping and venting.
This affects the other person on the receiving end. While you might not realize, venting can scar them deeply.
Imagine you got nagged by your boss at work, and then you came home to a series of ‘accidental’ venting from your spouse? Would you naturally sigh "why did I even bother to come home early?" in your heart?
Folks who are never home, either are:
Restless people who can't stay home
Busy business & career folks
Living in a toxic household full of nagging, anger, and rage.
Anger vs Rage
We all know what anger is.
Most people (aka me) think anger and rage are the same, fancy-schmancy vocab synonym things. But nope, there are slight differences!
Rage is excessive load of anger.
According to College of Allied Educators,
Rage can be expressed two ways:
Inwards: bottling up feelings one internalise, which can lead to self-harm
Outwards: verbally or physically abuse family, friends, colleagues, strangers. Throwing and destroying objects and property.
It can be destructive and violent. Your inability to control your explosive emotion can lead to regret, and at worst, permanently damage your relationships.
Leading to harboring ill feelings with your acquaintances, colleagues, and friends.
From where does anger and rage stemmed?
According to The British Association of Anger Management, people with anger-management issues have low self-esteem and are those who tend to have high perfectionism tendencies. These people use anger and rage as weapons to hurt the ones who triggered their embarrassment, worthlessness, and hopelessness. Damn.
Anger causes nagging
Anger can cause nagging, sourced from pent-up frustrations of the negative things people can't give up.
For example,
During the times your other half doesn't stop smoking; cursing when driving; or not cleaning the leftovers after eating, you may be annoyed that you can't help but to naturally nag thinking it would be a solution to fixing the person’s irritating attitude.
But no, nagging would not work—Maybe it will, if the other person can see where the nagger is coming from.
Why nagging doesn't work?
It's unpleasant, so your nag will always get tuned out.
It erodes love.
There is a negative reinforcement to nagging. No one, ever, likes 'negative vibes' - they might not come home again!
To combat nagging? Positive reinforcement, by cultivating patience, and lead by example (through actions)
Or just pray for the person.
Anger, on the other hand, is not all that bad.
Anger, when used creatively and channeled properly, with caution around the people in our lives, can be a source of motivation, and push you to work through your goals.
TMI: My one-month trip to the USA in 2019, one I seriously prepared for 5 months was motivated by anger. If I wasn’t angry enough, I wouldn’t ‘seriously’ plan for it.
The next time you feel angry, instead of lashing out or venting to innocent people, try to channel that emotion into something else. It may be the source of fuel for you to tackle other things that you’ve procrastinated on for so long.
No decisions, made with anger or rage as the input, provide an objective solution.
I think this is pretty much common sense. And some of us may have seen first-hand from life experiences what being angered/nagged at, and seeing people getting angered at does to the soul and relationships.
+ According to farinsighters, only 38% percent feel okay with being nagged by their family. The rest, don't at all.
If you ever caught yourself getting angered at, or on the verge of exploding with rage,
Try some of these suggestions by farinsighters, they might help tremendously:
Feel the emotions (by yourself) until there’s no more left to be angry at.
Talk it out, when everything’s cooled down already.
Take some space away from the situation. Run away from it.
Sleep.
Cool down with ice cream!
Cool down with water, a good bath/shower.
Pray, meditate.
Is your way of cooling down your ‘anger’ listed here? If it is not, share with me on #thefarinsights!
Current obsessions
Jay B’s recently released SOMO:FUME album. Obsessed with In To You & FAME.
LeeHi's Lipstick MV because AOMG Oppas are cool.
SKZ things: Cheese music video. Particularly, Hyunjin's dramatic mini car. Can’t believe they actually performed the Vampire version of Thunderous live (see: dance practice version). Group ending fairy here; BTOB doing STAY signal with SKZ during their encore.
& Happy birthday to our all-rounder Han Jisung!But my favorite discovery has got to be this 36-second animated Bubble drama:
Song Joong ki’s alternate character war. LOLed a lot.
Serious things
Thoughts I've been wrestling with:
On creating content.
How showing up (well ‘schedulings’ are there for a reason) on bad days is necessary because 'business as usual'.
No ‘one’ absolute solution. Just a human-centered approach.
“Human needs are the same whether the means of delivery are live or online, but on the contrary, people may not always be the same, as they may experience the same visit more than once and perceive (and behave) differently each time.”
“Don’t focus on what something means to YOU (the writer aka moi), but focus instead on what it might mean to THEM (the readers aka you)”
So which part of today's letter resonated with you most? Maybe it’s the negative side of anger, the positive side, or rage. Do let me know. 💬
Recently finished
Mark Tuan's New Beginnings/Back to LA vlog. Manifesting this similar ‘balik kampung’1 trip to happen in my life soon.
Jay B’s interview on Daebak Show
Something about his alter egos as def, offshore, then JB (in GOT7) now Jay B (soloist) that fascinated me. Will explore more on this soon. 💭 Let me know what are your thoughts on alter egos!
P/s: Also touched a little bit on GOT7 in this article if you haven’t checked that out yet.
Jay Park things: His interview with Jay B, #askjaypark tweet replies & AOMG Look Me Up
Takeaways:
Efforts will never let you down;
Be the person you needed when you were younger
Elsewhere
In case you needed this reminder:
From Kitty City
Made some mudskipper friends at Pantai Puteri, Santubong, KCH MY.
Cempedak2 season is almost over. Here’s to commemorating my favorite fritters in 2021:
Just for laughs: love locks idea for Kuching’s newest Satok Suspension bridge.
Did you like this letter? Please let me know!
Your comments help me improve each time. Click on the following link to share your anonymous opinion.
Balik kampung: Famous ‘Going back to your hometown’ phrase in Malaysia
Cempedak: Tropical fruit that’s perhaps long lost cousin of jack fruit. Famous in Southeast Asia