Your Early 20s Are About Reconciling With Your Childhood
The messy journey of transitioning from a baby adult, to an adult adult.
Dear friends of The Far Insights,
Recently I realized, how calm I have been — I don’t remember when was the last time I felt so calm as this.
When I left my old life in November 2021, for a new life in December 2021, I felt calm. But it still had traces of anxiety. Now, in June 2022, I was calmer, than how I was in early-May 2022, and what more compared to December 2021.
I’m saying this not to brag.
I’m reflecting on just how anxious I was in these past years, and not too long ago.
I was busy doing many things, traveling to places, and writing what I thought my younger self would be proud of. I was in a rush, in a constant fight-or-flight mode because…… I had lingering expectations from my childhood.
These expectations (desires, wants, and needs unaddressed from my childhood) gave me anxieties on:
The person I pictured to be from my childhood.
The life and career my childhood imagined as the be-all end-all
&& all other (unseen) childhood peer pressure that’s conditioned in me.
I was busy being busy because they were what my inner child longed for, and thought would make my adult self happy.
The messy journey from a baby adult to an adult adult
And now that I’ve done so many things expected from my younger self, I realized what my adult adult self sees that I couldn’t see before.
I *finally* kind of put my baby adult self to rest (it pops up sometimes), get to breathe, and function as an adult adult (not baby adult).
I read somewhere, that everyone in their 20s is figuring out life. They’re baby adults. For years they were told what to do — school, college, safety net job, etc.
Then when the time comes for them to actually become an adult, they freak out, they don’t know what to actually do upon tasting freedom and are given the power to do what they want in life.
That’s because all these ideas from their childhood and the ones they acquire growing up start coming into conflict, at war with one another. AKA quarter-life crisis that we’ve all heard so much about.
While there’s no set duration, and one way to go about figuring out who you’re really meant to become as an adult adult, one way that would help you get there, put these conflicting ideas from childhood to a settlement is to just do stuff—possibly all the ones you wanted when you were a kid.
Try out things—the scary ones, face your fears, allow yourself to make mistakes, be and look stupid.
Your 20s are all about that, you should feel okay with not having it all figured out. Because no one does!
Success is also about the exploration of your truest self (your likes, dislikes, truths, and values), from your own expectations. Not from others.
Once you’ve let these conflicting ideas and beliefs confront each other honestly through experimenting, time will eventually tell, which idea would overcome which.
And then, you can finally, step into the adult you’re meant to become..
What our 20s are really all about
Now that I think of how we romanticized so much of our 20s, I realized what our 20s should really be.
They’re years for us to address our old beliefs, satisfy and come to terms with our unmet inner child’s needs, and finally break free from the invisible chain our childhood has planted in our brain, into the adult we’re always supposed to become.
Once you’ve done all these things (you’ll realize some of them were just meh), you’ll realize that nothing much can torment you anymore.
They’re no longer there, at the back of your mind.
You can now, just exist, breathe, and be happy and feel calm, as an adult adult. — Isn’t that what adult life should be? Why do we make it so complicated? 🤔
Elsewhere
What’s the reality of traveling to the pyramid is like (you're welcome!) & my thoughts on being sensitive in writing about someone else’s history & culture.
Current Favorite
We’re all familiar with the DND setting. But customizing personal & work has done wonders for me. Made me sane, and helped me with my relationship with dopamine. Try it!
