13 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self
I actually wanted to skip this year's birthday reflection and...
do a reveal in three months’ time…
But I had a change of heart over the weekend.
So here are 13 things that I’ve learned, over my 27 years of living. And some are maybe repeated mistakes because man, do I forget. Humans can be forgetful.
13 because it’s 13 today, and I don’t have ideas for the other 14. LoL.
Spoiler: I do, I’m just lazy to do them. #pleasebuymybookwhenitsout 🙏🏼
Here we go..
1. Option C, D, E until Z exists. It’s not the end of the world when you let go of A and B.
You may break your heart when u let go of A and B because of the bubble you didn’t realize you were in.
And most times, the person who cries over letting go of options A and B is not you today, but you in the past, the version that still exists today — your inner child.
2. It’s okay to be the person you are & you don’t owe anyone anything, except…
Your real family members, and those who have been there for so long—especially on your bad days, when you had nothing, and when you were at your worst.
You are beautifully unique, just the way you are. Don’t be ashamed to voice out your opinions, and set your standards so long as it allows you to thrive as your real self.
If someone requires you to be a certain way that is not aligned to who you truly are, walk away. It’s going to hurt. But you’re doing more damage to yourself (which requires lots of healing afterwards) by staying in that relationship longer than that.
Remember that all kinds of relationships are over by the time you don’t feel/are not allowed to be yourself.
3. The life that you want is not a fantasy.
You can have it and it is not unrealistic to want it.
It is possible.
You just have to go through some rough patches of healing cycles to remove blockages like old and intergenerational beliefs on self-worth, money, and uhm, bubbles.
4. Entrepreneurship is just another fancy word for Exploration.
You’ve always known that you’re born into an Explorers family.
But you never knew one thing about explorers.. which is, guess what?
Entrepreneurs are explorers. Haha!
Your explorer idols, Cheng Ho, Ibn Battuta, Christopher Columbus, they were all entrepreneurs.
Side note - this comes after a revelation from me attending conferences, and webinars, hearing different speakers say “I get to travel within my capacity as an entrepreneur” in different ways.
Entrepreneurship is a lifestyle that allows you to explore.
5. What hurts today will be something you’ll laugh off tomorrow, or better yet, make a living from!
If something hurts you now, just remember that one year later, you’re only going to laugh it out and look at it with fondness.
Maybe write a poem from it (who wants to buy my future book? 😁), or make a whole website and start a community from it. Yes, I am talking about my pain from solo traveling as a Muslim woman.
P/s — do join our Community or spread the word on this if you know anybody in need of this safe space 🫶🏻
6. Speed is of the essence.
Most of the time, winning is about speeding.
You love to win. Winning is not a bad thing as how mass society paints it. Winning is just another word for striving for the best.
And that means you have to ditch out perfectionism in favor of speed, in 8/10 scenarios.
Don’t delay a message, a project, travel, an opportunity..
Because the window of opportunity does not wait for perfectionism. Perfectionism will only come after you’ve put in the reps.
P/s - Just last week, I was texting a mentor figure in the industry. He’s a 60+ year old entrepreneur who travels more than me, and is even faster than me in replying messages!
That was a necessary wake-up call to me that I have to speed up my game, especially considering this person is like a mentor to me!
7. Be around people who want more FOR YOU, and NOT more FROM YOU.
This will help you filter out the people who genuinely loves and cares for you, vs those who just want the prize when they’ve not done anything to earn it!
8. Your proximity = people = the location you’re in.
No matter how fast you are, if the people you surround yourself with are laid-back, you’ll be laid-back too.
Your environment is contagious.
If you want to be fast, be around people who celebrates that.
The people who celebrates that, don’t exist in a laid-back community. Vice versa.
Surprisingly, my younger self would be shocked to know that she loves speed as she grows old.
9. Take ownership of your life.
Trust me, you’ll be happy.
The moment you let others tell you what to do with your life, you’ll grow resentful of them, break off relationships and become an adult baby.
Pointing fingers at others for letting them dictate your life? Childish.
My decisions may seem illogical to some, but I can remember that 9/10 of the times I made and owned my own decisions made me happy, fulfilled, and a healthy thriving human being.
The decisions others made for me? Unhappy, unfulfilled, became a faker, super resentful — every worst possible trait a human I do not want to be, unleashed.
10. Get out of your bubble, ASAP!
Okay, maybe not.
Maybe you had to go through this for years to finally realize what being in your bubble does to you.
Maybe you had to feel the pain of being slow, being complacent, and being too rigid with one set of identity to finally get to the point of no return.
You were never meant to go to the Harvards only — yes, you know how much of a sucker you are for prestigious institutions aka Shiny Object Syndrome (more somewhere in the past editions).
If you didn’t experience phases where you explored A to B to C, you’ll continue to stay rigid in that “bubble”.
That doesn’t co-align with who you really are, a Citizen of the World who seeks to understand and appreciate different bubbles of this world.
P/s: No shade to the Harvards of this world, I also came from one ✌🏻. & to the next Harvard of my dreams, & Harvard itself, I still want to visit/experience you one day!
Getting out of your bubble will maybe send you into a reverse culture shock.
You’ll be surprised at how much it humbles you. How much of what you think is super duper important in your “bubble”, doesn’t really matter outside of that world!
And then you’ll laugh, you’ll wonder — why the heck did I cry so much about? Why was my heart in so much pain if it’s not that much of a big deal?
Most of the things in life we’re dealing with are not that much of a big deal!
11. Plan B? Throw them out!
You grew up loving watching Batman.
In Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne and the dungeon prisoners tried hard to escape up into the world, but no one could do it, except “the child” whom the dungeon prisoners heard so many tales about.
How did the child get out into the world?
By ditching the rope!
How did Bruce Wayne eventually get out of that cave after trying bunch of times?
By ditching the rope! The rope is the safety net!
Throw out your Plan B. Nothing would work 100% if you have a side-hustle or a plan B. A safety net shows how much you’re not risking it all!
Your dreams require you to prove your dedication to them by risking it all. More about this in the future.
True winners are those who are in two hundred percent! The real entrepreneurs are the ones that only jump into a side-hustle once the real hustle can perform on its own, without the parent.
Side note: Speaking of relationships — you will never successfully mature and deepen a solid relationship if you keep on having a “plan B” in the back of your head, cutting someone off the moment they showcase a red flag which is not too much of a deal breaker — something that can be solved and talked out via communication.
I mean, just ask married couples out there, were there times they hated or annoyed each other? Some had years or months, but they held on, they didn’t look for options, and eventually deepen the bond!
Options will keep you stuck in a loop, ungrateful, and you’ll continue to embody that “not enough” / scarcity mindset — in the future I’ll talk about abundance mindset.
Successful people/business/relationships are the ones that stuck out for a long period of time, despite the odds, so let the power of time brew on its own.
And say no to options just because it is trendy.
Depth > Surface-level expertise.
12. Actions speak louder than words
You had years where you overthought.
You wanted to be a writer. You wanted a website. You just “wanted”. You didn’t do it.
But thinking would not get you where you want to be.
Action does.
You were scared to take actions because you were scared at making mistakes, scared of failing.
But mistakes are necessary on your journey to the “better” — aka what is mentioned on perfectionism above.
Start taking actions and execute the moment another “want” pop up.
13. Do not mistake and favor intensity over consistency.
Intensity is addicting, but it won’t last!
Intensity comes in many faces:
Showing up only on good days in exchange for favors and then ghosting on you, not being available on your bad days
In relationship terms: love bombing.
When you were younger you chose emotional intensity over emotional stability.
Intensity on your good days, but on your bad days the intensity dropped below ZERO. You crashed when this happened. It took you precious time to get back up to normal levels.
You don’t want to experience that terrible crash. You want to stay sane.
Intensity doesn’t mean anything. Consistency does.
Newsflash: Consistency is not sexy, but consistency deserves you more on your great days than intensity does.
Never give the world to someone who’s constantly inconsistent. This applies to money, time, and love.
Another way of putting it is to invest in those who invests in you..
To the younger Farihah,
You didn’t know any better.
Moving forward, know that you will always get your heart, your money, and your real self back,
But you will never get time back.
I hope this has also somehow helped you start a conversation with your younger self.
Past photos/videos/diaries would help.
Trust me,
He/she needs it. And your current self would appreciate it too.
What would you tell your younger self? Feel free to reply to this mail, and it’ll be our little secret. - F